23 Jan Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger was found on the doorsteps of the orphanage when he was just a cub. The whereabouts of his parents are unknown, although most suspect they were teenage parents who fell victim to the flawed sex education system that ignored responsible sex education, and favored abstinence which every person with common sense knows is useless.

Tony was an outgoing, likeable cub despite his sad upbringing. The orphanage was overcrowded and run down due to lack of funding and volunteers. Because of this, resources were scarce. He even had to share a toothbrush with one other cub and one other platypus. That he could deal with, but the lack of food was what he felt most strongly. He often went days only having one meal. Breakfast was his favorite. He never felt sadness or the seriousness of his situation until it was the week he knew he didn’t get breakfast.

He decided to run away. He’d seen countless movies and heard countless songs that spoke of New York. New York City was where people and cubs went when they wanted to start over.

He hopped on a bus with $5 in his pocket and wished for the best.

New York was hell. Everything cost more than $5 and people were aggressive. They were all in a hurry to get to places and no one seemed to know basic manners. Tony had made a huge mistake. He wandered, borough after borough until he reached one far, far away from the city and its angry inhabitants.

He was intrigued by the industrial buildings and the smoke dancing out of their rooftops.

He gravitated towards one that radiated the smell of cornflakes, one of his favorite breakfast foods.

 He found a cozy room that he suspected was the janitor’s closet. He nestled behind a radiator and quickly fell asleep.

After what seemed like a minute, the door opened and Tony was greeted by a startled man. The man quickly got over his shock and raised the mop he was holding over his head, ready to strike Tony.

“No, stop! I’m helpless, I swear! I just wanted a place to stay. I wouldn’t hurt you or anybody!”

“Woah, you can… talk?!” said the man incredulously.

“Well yeah, doesn’t every animal?”

“No, no animals can talk… this is incredible.”

Tony told the man his story and how he was far away from home, with no place to stay and no money to his name. The man saw a lot of himself in Tony and offered him an assistant to the janitor position. Tony thrived and struck up a friendship with everyone in the Frosted Flakes company. The CEO was such a fan and knew that everyone else who met tony would be too. He promoted Tony to official mascot of Frosted Flakes and he continues to be to this day. The position includes an unlimited supply of cereal.