05 Apr Black Friday Bundle

Bundle 

It’s late November, 2017 and “Black Friday” is approaching. Black Friday is the biggest shopping day of the year alongside Mother’s Day and I’m working at a clothing store at the time, doing sales. My life feels on the up and up for several reasons. I just pulled the plug from a toxic relationship at the first sign of sketchiness and I’ve been an aspiring musician for the last few years and my current group was gaining some local press and acclaim. I had the feeling I could live the life I sought if I really hone in on what I want and get rid of what I don’t. I felt the need to clean house internally.  

Personal gains and goals aside, I needed income and my day job was great to me. I was working with people that truly cared about each other and the staff was flexible with my personal schedule which I was more than thankful for. I was happy but for some reason the fact I was pressuring myself over something I found so pointless made me feel ill. I remember it clearly. My body was rejecting that reality. I wouldn’t sleep at night and I became so irritable at times I wanted to hide at work. I had nothing good to say and was becoming cynical about whatever people were doing. Phrases such as “The fuck am I doing here?” and “You don’t know shit.” would come into my mind mid conversation. I started to lack humanity and got worried. 

Now, this isn’t an attack on working retail or in the service industry but I felt I was living cyclically for so long I got too comfortable. I enjoy reaping the benefits of my labor and basking in the sun but droning out on a routine and not accumulating new experiences means a lack of growth. Now, judging from the way I felt about working retail you’ll probably think I quit my job and never looked back. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. My plan was long term I was perfectly content with my situation and was ready to stick it out because “slow season” was approaching. So, fast forward to late December and we were called in for a meeting by our boss. We received the terrible news that the store was closing. Some of my coworkers shed tears but I immediately felt this was a sign so I immediately embraced it. 

How do you react to shifts in your reality and learn to be at peace with impermanence? I was presented with making those long term plans unfold then and there. I decided the first changes I needed to make were internal. I started to treat myself better and I donated half of my possessions. I stopped complaining about not having a booking agent or a manager for my band and took on those roles without complaining, too much. I’ve negotiated raises with my photography and social media clients and I applied to this school and got accepted. All of these decisions and events have happened in the last 4 months so I’m still in transition. I guess this story arc is incomplete as I haven’t ridden off into the sunset just yet, but, I think found my horse.