Today, I decided to begin acupuncture treatment to better myself and live a healthier, happier life. Today, I also found out I’m a hemophiliac. FML. I really, really like camping. I love it. The being outside, the roughing it, the survival skills, I love everything about...
Assonance I didn’t think the kid would be big. Bickering about the licking of a stick of cool whip. Steel yourselves for the meat of the green tree’s leaves. Chiasmus The problem is not how I will take the position, but rather how the position will...
A lost art Enjoy it now kid, no one cares that you drew cats when you get older Teach em young You don’t need a phone when you’re still in second grade, go play outside kids You shouldn’t let tigers have pliers Everyone knows about tigers, they’re big and they’re strong, but not flyers. About that...
Today, I drove an hour to Sunny Isles beach. When I arrived, I realized I forgot my bathing suit. I was wearing jeans and my underwear was white. FML. Today, I went through airport security with a miniature water bottle lodged in the bottom of my...
A safe choice for Mr. Risky Business. Unparalleled cool since your parents were in high school. We design sunglass shapes that shape the way the world designs sunglasses. The right shades for decades. Wayfarers, Aviators, Clubmasters and tastemakers - come shield your eyes. Shield your eyes, and open thighs....
Assonance- Jane felt pain when told tickets were sold out for Gucci Mane. Kids get sick then lick each other. Drinking tea makes me pee especially when I have it by the sea. Chiasmus- Overcome your fears or fear will overcome you. You were my life. My life was you. Eat what...
I was lifeguarding at the Y when a mom told her son “to ask the pretty lifeguard where the bathroom is.” He looked around the pool, straight past me, and said “but there isn’t a pretty lifeguard here.” FML I stole a tester lipstick from MAC....
Assonance He paid me handsomely to fade away. A bright light illuminated the night sky. It was a great feat to beat the favorite for the senatorial seat. Chiasmus It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. It's not about...