Today, I drove an hour to Sunny Isles beach. When I arrived, I realized I forgot my bathing suit. I was wearing jeans and my underwear was white. FML.   Today, I went through airport security with a miniature water bottle lodged in the bottom of my...

A safe choice for Mr. Risky Business.   Unparalleled cool since your parents were in high school.   We design sunglass shapes that shape the way the world designs sunglasses.   The right shades for decades.   Wayfarers, Aviators, Clubmasters and tastemakers - come shield your eyes.   Shield your eyes, and open thighs....

Assonance- Jane felt pain when told tickets were sold out for Gucci Mane. Kids get sick then lick each other. Drinking tea makes me pee especially when I have it by the sea.   Chiasmus- Overcome your fears or fear will overcome you. You were my life. My life was you. Eat what...

I was lifeguarding at the Y when a mom told her son “to ask the pretty lifeguard where the bathroom is.” He looked around the pool, straight past me, and said “but there isn’t a pretty lifeguard here.” FML I stole a tester lipstick from MAC....

Assonance   He paid me handsomely to fade away.   A bright light illuminated the night sky.   It was a great feat to beat the favorite for the senatorial seat.   Chiasmus   It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.   It's not about...

Two Toys Two toys on the floor One toy for you, one for me We play together   Early Flight A bird leaves his nest His wings weak and feeble Far too soon to soar   Friendship To give to you what belongs to me I will not share Not one, not two, not three   To leave my place...

Poop Always wash your hands After you use the potty Wash all the poop off     Manners Say please and thank you It is a nice thing to do Just like giving gifts     Yay Teeth We brush our teeth every day We brush so that they don’t decay We brush our teeth every night So that they’re clean...

Lines for Ray-Ban Consonance Don’t make plans without your Ray-bans Stand for Raybans Epithet Rayban “Eyewear kings” Rayban “One of a kind” Assonance Get your band some Raybans Get a tan with your Raybans ...

Haikus Moody Would you talk to me? If I were bittersweet, without a cause. Grow up Do you yell a lot? And annoy everyone it's time to grow Poem Accept There are a lot of people in the world, Many of them waiting to be unfurled, Tall and skinny, or short and chubby, There’s more to people than just...