22 Jul FML

1 Usually after a long day at work, when I come home to unwind. I like to lay down and relax. When it’s coming home from those really shitty days at work, I like to spark up my bowl. One night, I came home after a night from hell and back. Of course, I smoked a few smooth hits before taking my dog out. As I’m almost done walking my pup, I bend down to scoop up his defecation I realize the proportions of it. It’s bigger than the palm of my hand for a Maltese. Soon after I give a lot of thought to the situation, I realize I picked up someone else’s dogshit. FML.

2 When I was in 1st grade, My teacher assigned me to my first crush as partners on an in-class project. I was so excited that I didn’t want to leave to go to the bathroom at any point. I ended up pooping my pants. A few moments after that, he asked me what that smell was. I acted like I had no clue, but really it was me all along. FML. 

3 I remember that one time I thought I had cancer. Really, it was just my period. FML. 

4  I remember one of my first times visiting Miami, I was trying to go back to my Airbnb around 5 in the morning from Wynwood. I got into the wrong uber, with a driver who only spoke Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish. I didn’t get home until 2 hours later. FML.